here it is 2007 already.

i spent most of this evening reading over this blog and remembering all the things that were going on in my life when i was writing. i think i have picked up on a pattern. i get depressed or bored and eventually start writing. somehow i manage to pull myself out of whatever hole i'm in and things get better. so since it's the middle of winter and i'm feeling somewhat ...stagnanat...i thought i would pick up where i left off almost 9 months ago.

it's been a wild ride to say the least and for anyone that knows me personally they understand why. i don't really feel like going into any sort of details about my dad dying and what my family experienced because i feel it would be crass. i don't even really want to talk about the current situation with my family. not because it's bad -- i think it's okay considering the circumstances -- but because i just don't want to. i don't feel like it.

however i do feel like it's time i dusted off the ol' blog and explore what i'm thinking about and where things are going with me. a bit narcissistic perhaps. but i think necessary. for whatever reason writing things down seems to help me figure things out.

as i usually get back into blogging and post an intro post with little or no actual content i'll leave it at this. i'm not wanting to dive to deep into my thoughts right now, but i think that this is something i can get behind and get excited about again. i won't be mentioning anything too relevant to my current life until my next month.

Zambezi - New Mastersounds

that title is very important. i just picked up a wonderful new record by this band the new mastersounds. they are great, the album is well produced and it is funky as shit. this track in particular is a great version of an old song.

the job is pretty sweet. the first full week is over and im exhausted but also really happy. sitting around for ten months at a time will really slow down your metabolism. working 40 hours a week has never felt so good and tiring at the same time. i already have a lot more energy and i imagine that will continue to increase. also the weather has been phenomenal.

the company is called hobsons and basically they are a student recruitment company. you know those school guides with a huge list of schools containing basic facts and information about schools? the "Ohio University is nestled in the rolling hills of southeastern Ohio..." kind of stuff? yeah. thats what we publish. i am apparently responsible for the editorial content in the international student guides and several websites. a lot of people i've talked to don't seem to find it too interesting, but its something that i actually have quite a bit of interest in and so far i am really enjoying it. just yesterday i was sitting at my desk working away and stopped and kind of giggled to myself for a second, thinking "i can't believe im getting paid to write something!" good stuff. and actually im shocked they gave me some of the responsibilities they did. i don't know if you are familiar with the TOEFL but in the non-english speaking world its a very important test for anyone wanting to study here. we have a partnership with the company who writes, makes and grades all of the TOEFL tests and i am responsible for the website that any student (600,000+) wanting to take that test must use to register for the TOEFL. wacky stuff.

also writing on here has become a really therapeutic for me. not only can i pretty much say whatever is on my mind, but spelling, grammar, and punctuation dont matter to me here and quite frankly *ITS* nice to not have to use the comma or the shift key constantly, hehaw.

i watch too much tv

i do. i watch tons. only 5 more weeks of that, though. then the giant monstrosity that sits in our living room will be gone forever. whew.

i suppose its ok to go ahead and post about the job i got since i start monday. i had two serious job offers in three business days and it was pretty cool to actually have both offers on the table at once. the teaching job became a backup the minute i learned the details. there was a major stipulation: the old teacher could come back at any time she wanted and i would be out of a job. again. also, despite the pay being better than my current one, i had no benefits and was essentially a scab. yeah. fuck being a scab.

so i took the editing job. they really wanted me and i must say it felt good to finally be wanted. i'll be starting next week and honestly i can't wait to get back to the having a job lifestyle. i know that sounds silly but at least i'll stay busy now. fuck a bunch of not having a job for 10 months. it appears i may have a chance to move up in the ranks pretty quickly, too. they want to expand their audience so they can be a truly international publication. how? by publishing reference guides in other languages. rock and roll. im going to enjoy this last free weekend. later.

richord pryor live on the sunset strip

while this article is almost six years old, it's still interesting. i'm reading invisible man again. i saw it on a friend's bookshelf and so it made its way back into my consciousness. i hadn't thought about it again until last week. i was driving around oxford thinking about things. i spend a lot of time thinking about my time in japan, but in a much different way than when i first returned to americatown. at first it was all nostalgia and desire, but not too long ago my thoughts shifted to one of experience and insight.

i was thinking about what it was that i liked so much about being in japan. there are many different answers to this questions including friends, culture, language, environment, etc., but those are all external things that affected me. i was looking for more of an inward answer. comparatively, life here is very different for me, and after some hard thought i had a bit of a personal revelation. i'm not sure what it says about me. it may be bad, it may be good. but it's true. to me that is the only important thing.

i don't know why, but coming back, i felt very exposed in some way. i still do, actually. i can't explain it too well but it has something to do with community and race. that may sound obvious, but what i'm getting at isn't so perceptible. i feel some sort of unspoken expectation to participate in life in general here. in japan it was always optional. sometimes it was good and sometimes it was bad, but overall, i really enjoyed having that option. of course the novelty of other wore of quickly and was replaced by feelings of resentment and paranoia, but i always had the option to turn off the outside world. no one bothered me and i bothered no one. it was great. at will, i could essentially become an invisible man.

-----
two things
1) i feel like im just scratching the surface on this subject. i hope to get into it more deeply, time permiting. but thats not right now. richard is on fire and my sparks can is almost empty. the subject deserves my full attention and sparks isn't going to help.
2) i've put off posting about the job situation on purpose. im waiting for limbo to end before i write anything down. i find re-reading less depressing that way.

Danse Sur La Merde - Prototypes

in the words of mad moneys jim cramer: booya! just talked to mom and dad is coming home today. good stuff. no more trips to the hospital for a while. thats always good. im off to make some copies and buy some clothes.

n/t

its been a minute. 4 job offers have landed on the table between now and then. it figures that when i finally don't give a shit what kind of job i get, i get some 'decent' offers. today i had an interview for the associate editor job. it went really well and i thought i clicked nicely with the interviewer. it sounds like there may even be a chance for me to edit and write in japanese for students interested in coming here for school. that would be a super sweet bonus to a job that im actually interested in doing. rock.

its been nice to actually be busy. last week and this week have been pretty good stuff. i forgot how shitty it can be to sleep all day and stay up all night. its fun for a while, even for the weekend, but for everyday....yikes. no good.

so things are going pretty well on that front.

im willing to say that things are 'normal.' sure, dad went back in the hospital saturday and has been there since. sure i cant even go in his room without wearing a mask, gown, and rubber gloves. sure i dont' have a job but at least im looking and even getting interviews. im broke, but whats new? nothings new. this is the new normal.

i don't really like the new normal, though...

Kingston 12 Tuffie- The Morwells

an unexpected event: i have a job interview next tuesday with a publishing company in blue ash. holy crap. its for an associate editor position. they want me to bring writing samples. time to dig up some old shite.

any advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated!